A speech given to an invited audience of the world’s wealthiest citizens
held in the Maldives on 1st January 2015
Guests
arriving by seaplane would have noticed the tight security surrounding the
island. Those who came in the Sheik’s yacht may have missed the full extent of these
safety measures. Needless to say no expense has been spared on your behalf. While
you are here you can be assured of total peace and protection. It is impossible
for uninvited guests to intrude so please relax and enjoy the fabulous amenities
this sensational island paradise has to offer – at least until it sinks below
the rising tides (wait for laughter to
subside).
As
Chairman of the Affluence Global Alliance [AGA] it is indeed an honour to
report on the runaway success of our continuing strategy guaranteeing that the
world’s wealth stays in the hands of those most capable of using it. Us. We are
the most prosperous and powerful people on this planet and the AGA intends
keeping it that way (wait for applause).
Naturally
we cannot celebrate our success without a word of appreciation for the founders
- those farsighted individuals who set us on our present path. For that we must
travel back at least 250 years.
Tonight
we honour those early industrialists who intuitively grasped the idea that
consumers could be convinced to buy almost anything, including stuff they don’t
actually need. We also pay tribute to the US judges who invented the legal
fiction of a corporation limited by guarantee. In truth, this device gave our
whole enterprise the boost it required in order to generate current levels of spending
and, as a consequence, our wealth.
A
special mention must go to the bankers. These stalwarts of capitalism took
responsibility for ensuring that almost every citizen had access to easy credit.
Not an easy task. Yet they triumphed against the odds. They are good friends of the AGA. Incidentally the idea of
giving credit cards to teenagers was, I am sure you will agree, a stroke of
genius (Wait for applause). Without
the bankers our aims would have been so much more difficult to achieve. They have been
unyielding in their support of our endeavours. More recently their can-do attitude, coupled with an entrepreneurial flare we all admire, astonished even
the cynics among us. Let’s face it, their schemes, most of which I do not
pretend to understand, allowed us in the AGA to make astonishing amounts of money at the
expense of those less able to manage their own finances. (Applause)
Naturally,
without the establishment turning a blind eye to what was actually going on in
society (a constituency over which they had supposed jurisdiction) our success
would have been limited. Some of our political and distinguished friends are
gracing us with their presence tonight. Thank you for your part in our little
conspiracy. Only joking! (Wait for
laughter)
Nor
could we have done without a few corrupt politicians and the (often naïve) support of multinational corporations, especially CEO's in the oil, steel, coal, tobacco,
chemicals and pharmaceutical industries, who were persuaded to hoodwink a
gullible public into trusting them. Without you we would not be sitting
here tonight drinking champagne. To all of you our heartfelt thanks.
A
thought too, should be given to those less fortunate than ourselves,
particularly the fecund poor of all nations who continue to procreate like
rabbits, thus ensuring an ongoing exponential demand for manufactured goods, food
and luxury items. Long may it continue.
Clearly without
such an embedded infrastructure in place our strategy would founder. That is
why Africa, India and South America are of continuing importance to us in the AGA. Long
gone are the days of overt colonialism. Frankly I am saddened by that fact. I felt, as most of you do, that we did a great job in our respective colonies. Yet there are almost
unlimited resources that we can still mine from the these countries if we have a mind to. There can
be no doubt we need smart, shrewd minds to lock down our strategies in that
regard, especially if we are to benefit from those reserves as we did in the
past. The game has changed of course. Plundering resources and blaming the Chinese or Islamic terrorists were good
ploys until recently. But, as you can see if you look around you, many of our members now herald from China
and the Emirates. Our intentions need to adapt to new realities.
As
you know, the extraordinary success of the AGA has been founded on two
capitalist tenets (unlimited growth and rampant competition); propelled by an insatiable desire
for “more” in developed nations and “envy” in other parts of the world); and
focused on three systems (energy, environment and economy) all underpinned by
profoundly unsustainable governance practices.
Let
us look at those three systems. We are repeatedly told that peak oil has peaked
– or is about to peak. But can we seriously believe that? Of course not. The story there is still the same: “Drill baby drill”. Most of what we produce and consume comes from petrochemicals. We need the stuff.
Besides there are many out-of-the-way places in the world still to be explored
in that regard. I doubt we will run out of oil or coal any time soon. Do you? (wait for applause).
I do acknowledge that the environment seems to be feeling the effect
of human activities. But then we always knew we might have to do sacrifice a
few species and learn to live with concrete, rather than wilderness, grass and glaciers,
when we chose the path of consumerism. Personally I don’t think we should worry too
much about nature. It will take care of itself irrespective of what we do to
it. And it has come to be something of a luxury after all.
Finally
there is the economy – and in that regard I fail to see a problem. What
should be changed if the system is already functioning well? Do not fix what
isn’t broken. That’s what I say. Debt is here to stay. Easy credit has allowed
everyone to upgrade the quality of their lives - including the poor. Who are we
to deny the new middle classes in emerging economies the benefits we ourselves
enjoy. It is surely hypocritical and morally indefensible to suggest that the average
citizen in China or India should not experience the same quality of life as the
average US citizen. No. Ignore the naysayers. The AGA needs to take a stand. Our
economy is doing just fine. We can see that from the profits we are continuing
to generate. That is the real measure of success. (Applause)
In
truth if any of the aforementioned systems were to drastically change our
strategy of wealth creation would be put in peril. Fortunately that is unlikely
to occur. A number of people here tonight are using their wealth to fund all
manner of initiatives that will result in a continuation of the status quo. Charles
and David over there are using their Institute to whip up confusion and cast
doubts on the science of climate change. (Applause) They are also working
to ensure that our lobbyists are equipped with all the information and money they need to
persuade governments to resist the green activists and numerous do-gooders. So please
give them a hand (wait for applause).
Nor must we forget our friends from the American Enterprise Institute (applause) and of course the various
media shock-jocks who are all assisting our cause. Well done Rush. (Applause).
Actually
there are very few threats to our continued accrual of riches and power, so
strongly ingrained is the current system of political influence, corruption and
monetary gain. For that we are truly blessed.
I
suppose the most critical of these threats would be if people were to stop
killing each other and the entire military machine were to grind to a halt. Now
that would indeed be a catastrophe. (Laughter)
Just imagine if competition were to be replaced by unprecedented levels of collaboration
at every level of society. Now that would be tough. Hardly likely, one might
conclude, given the ingenious ways we have to fuel conflict. Besides we should
not forget the rampaging competition between nation states still scrambling to
protect their own interests at any cost. Just look at Copenhagen. What a joke! (Wait for laughter to subside)
Another danger could be ordinary citizens taking matters into their own hands, or
governments, under pressure from communities around the world, needing to be
seen to legislate our industries out of existence. (Wait for audience reaction) I can see the indignation written all
over your faces. But it is feasible – you must give me that. Some politicians (present
company excepted) are yellow to the core. (Applause)
Naturally
if these or any other threats were to eventuate we would still persist (Applause). The AGA is not going away! (Applause) In fact if the unthinkable
were to happen it would be quite easy for us to assume greener credentials, for
example, thus benefitting from the many flawed low-carbon strategies being
mooted in international forums at the moment. Many of you are probably making these
early plays anyway – just to cover all bases. That just seems pragmatic. I know
Goldman Sachs are positioning themselves for a different business environment.
It is just plain common sense. Good camouflage too. Just ask Warren over there (Laughter). Only joking my friend!
But
seriously. I believe we are well placed to endure any small shock to the
system. After all we have lasted for several generations and we have been
getting stronger and wealthier all the time. Our strategy has endured for well
over two centuries. We have succeeded beyond our wildest dreams. The future is assured.
And
so to all those sceptics like Herve Kempf, whose most recent book claimed that
we, the rich, are intent on destroying the Earth, I would say hogwash. Our
wealth generates jobs. It inspires innovation. It creates growth and
development for all people and gives us the world we luxuriate in today. (Applause) I say if that is destruction
then bring it on. (Applause)
Thank
you. (Standing ovation)
